“You’re not a baby-snatcher or a killer, are you?”

The thirty-something blonde was hostess to an upscale garage sale, which was just getting underway. She wanted to retreat to her basement to retrieve some more dispensables.

“Uh…no?” I answered, feeling somewhat guilty in spite of my utter innocence. She was the seller, after all, and I merely the prospective sellee. A complete stranger.

Then she motioned to the newborn girl sleeping in the infant seat on the garage floor, and asked if I would keep an eye on her for 2 minutes.

Things are getting weirder.

You know how they say that it's not so bad to talk to yourself, but when you start answering yourself, watch out?

It doesn't help that my Wife has been out of town 3 weeks, leaving me with only the voices of novel characters to keep me company. But still.

Just now, as I was coming to the end of a three-minute long stretch of procrastination and about to get back to my reading, I heard myself say these words out loud:

(Spoken in a snotty voice) "So, are you gonna' get back to it?"

(In an even snottier voice) "I don't know. Are you?"

So, it's official.

Fast food drive-throughs...will someone please explain to me what is up with the French fry tossing?? Every time I go through one of these places, the fries are tossed into the bag upside-down! What's up with that?? You open the bag to get your food, and inevitably the little box / bag / whatever that is supposed to contain your fries is empty because some physics-challenged moron has put it in upside down! You end up digging your fries out of the bottom of the bag with the little bags of ketchup.

Come on, folks - do you really not understand the concept of gravity?? Try this: Fill a drink cup (preferably one of those "biggie" sized ones) with a cold soda of your choice. The soda goes in the open end - you know, the end with the big hole in it. Use lots of ice - like you usually do. Remember that ice is cheaper than soda. Now, while holding the full cup over your head, pretend it's a bag of fries you're about to put in someone's order. After towling yourself off, you should have a pretty good idea of how gravity works. Next time put the damn bag of fries in the order with the closed end down!